I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
