I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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