He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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