I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
