Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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