All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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