It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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