I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Did I show you my penis last night?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
