just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
