genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
