Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
