all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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