I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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