Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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