Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
