where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
