Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
