Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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