If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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