Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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