my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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