it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
