i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
