I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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