I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
