Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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