11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
