I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
