Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
