Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
FUCK WHALES
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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