i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
