I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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