Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
