If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
