Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
