I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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