I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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