Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
