u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
