That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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