just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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