we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
