Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
