The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
