He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
