her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
