dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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