just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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