Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
