didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
